


crazy love

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Withdrawal, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22135216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Is it possible to get addicted to a person when you aren’t running away from something else?
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Kudos: 22
Collections: anonymous





	crazy love

**Author's Note:**

> this is different from most things i've written so if it seems choppy it’s because i had no idea where i was going w this...
> 
> title from going crazy by treasure 13 (can be found on youtube..)

The bedroom Jeno lays in reeks of sex and sweat. His hair is matted to his forehead and the man next to him is fast asleep.

You see, Jeno has… a problem. Really, it’s not his fault though. Jeno likes _men_. The kind that boss you around, spit in your mouth, fuck you rough. It’s addicting, the rush he gets when he finds someone at the club or a gay bar.

That’s landed him where he is right now: in this cheap motel room, sitting at the end of a creaky bed with a stranger he'll hopefully never see again. He tugs his jeans on, pulls his shirt over his head. Somehow, some way, he’s already beginning to feel sober, no longer slightly stumbling. The room has stopped spinning.

Jeno’s hand goes to open the door but he stops, looking over his shoulder. The man is knocked out cold.

A smirk makes its way onto Jeno’s lips as he tiptoes back into the room, fishing out a particularly fat wallet. He pockets a couple (more than a couple, let's be honest) of bills that will most definitely be useful soon and leaves, feeling accomplished.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


> **_LEE JENO_ **
> 
> **_ADDERALL (AMPHETAMINE)_ **
> 
> **_25 MG_ **
> 
> **_TAKE ONE TABLET BY MOUTH TWICE DAILY BEFORE MEALS_ **

He stares at the bottle, then back to his homework. 

Again.

And again.

He really shouldn’t be taking those pills anymore. He’s should be easing himself off of it, but the instructions on the small, orange bottle indicate otherwise. Personally, Jeno doesn't like the way his medication makes him feel, yet he's always coming back for more. 

Jeno looks back to his homework, for the fourth time in what might just be ten minutes. His digital clock reads _04:02_ in a glaring red. He’s got an eight am across campus. Maybe…

Jeno grabs the bottle, careful not to make too much noise. If Jaemin hears…

He swallows a pill dry. 

_Back to work._

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Jeno meets someone. He’s not a _man_ , Jeno can tell by the way he stands to the side of what must be his group of friends, swaying to the music. There’s no way he’s not buzzed because Jeno has been eyeing him all night. This is the fourth time the guy has returned to his friends from the kitchen, a new drink in his hand.

They meet eyes and as much as he hates to admit it, Jeno feels… something. It’s unlike when he’s with a _man_ , unlike when he takes one too many pills, downs a Red Bull and pulls another all nighter. He can’t place it and he definitely isn’t sure if he likes it.

Jaemin is long gone, somewhere in the mess of the dance floor with Renjun. 

The guy starts to walk over and a small smile quirks Jeno’s lips. He stands next to him, leaning on the wall.

His hair is a dark brown, just like Jeno’s. Styled like a comma, showing his shimmery eye shadow and beautifully done eyebrows. The lights reflect off his lipgloss and Jeno wants him in a different kind of way then he’s used to.

“Now what’s a kid like you looking at me like you’re two seconds away from jumping my bones for?” He inquires, bringing the straw of his drink to his lips.

Jeno chuckles. “A kid? You don’t even know me.” He settles on answering, swirling his own drink in it’s cup.

A wave of shock washes over the person in front of him before he neutralizes his expression. “You’ve got an attitude.”

“I’ve got a lot more assets that you can’t see,” Jeno quips, setting his drink on the small table next to him. It’s housing what seems like an expensive vase with a plant in it that Jeno doesn’t know the name of. He’s not about to make out with this guy next to something so valuable. He almost wants to find the host (that he doesn’t even know the name or appearance of) and chastise him for not placing this somewhere safer but he gets distracted.

The mystery man pulls him into the hallway, encases him as he puts a hand next to Jeno’s ear against the wall. “So are you going to keep talking or can I kiss you?” His voice is low and it puts Jeno in a trance.

Instantly, his arms wrap around the other man’s neck and pull him into a kiss.

It’s… different. It’s slow and sensual, leads up to the most exciting things longer than he’s used to. The mystery man licks into his mouth and leaves no area unexplored, takes his time and holds Jeno’s face like it’ll crack under too much pressure.

Jeno pushes him away a little, breaking the kiss. He’s heaving, out of breath from the kiss and the way he’s overthinking things. 

It wasn’t bad, per say. Just something he needs to adjust to.

“Got a name? Need something to moan.” Jeno mutters, his hand snaking up the guy’s nape, slowly knotting his fingers in their hair.

“Donghyuck. And you?”

“Jeno.”

He gets led to a bedroom, Donghyuck clearly knowing his way around the place. “You live here or something?” Jeno jokes, ridding himself of his shirt and climbing on top of Donghyuck.

“Yes, actually. This is my room,” He gesticulates and Jeno looks around. There’s a guitar hanging on the wall, a desk with a pretty decent computer and monitor, a keyboard and what looks like a comfortable chair. A microphone is attached to the wall, that can be maneuvered in any position.

Jeno turns back to Donghyuck. “Well, I didn’t come here to ogle over your room,” He resumes what they were doing.

The room gets hotter, they both get sweatier. 

Jeno remembers, Donghyuck isn’t a _man_ . He doesn’t fuck him like that _man_ from a few days ago. He’s gentle and asks a lot of questions before doing things. Whispers sweet things in his ear, lingering touches and sweet kisses here and there. Sensual eye contact and kind aftercare.

He lays on Donghyuck’s bed as he’s in the bathroom, retrieving a washcloth.

This isn’t what he’s used to. Jeno likes _men_. But Donghyuck isn’t like them. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Jeno sits on his bed with his mind somewhere else. Donghyuck is in his desk chair, clacking away on his laptop.

It’s been three months since the night they met. How? Why? Why is Donghyuck still here? Why does Jeno keep coming back?

It’s been three months of: ‘ _the apartment is free 2nite ;)_ ’ and ‘ _jaemin is at renjun’s_ ’ and ‘ _wanna eat lunch tgt?_ ’. They don’t always have sex but it’s a pastime that happens more often than not. 

The thing that Jeno doesn’t understand is that Donghyuck _actually_ wants him. He presses kisses to his face every now and again, holds his hands, texts him in the morning and at night, makes sure he’s taking his meds properly. 

In bed, he’s not like a _man_. Doesn’t slap him, doesn’t fuck him hard, doesn’t keep him around for just a good time. It’s what Jeno likes. 

What he used to like. 

Jeno is scared. Donghyuck makes him feel different, makes him feel loved. All his life, Jeno has been deprived of that, has grown accustomed to running away from it. So why isn’t he running away now?

They’re both sat in silence, not doing the work they’re supposed to. 

“You gonna keep staring at your homework or are you actually going to do it?” Donghyuck jokes, turning around in his desk chair to find Jeno already staring at him.

Donghyuck’s amused face changes to an expression of worry. “Are you okay?”

Jeno just gives a small smile. “‘M fine. Mind is running, can’t focus.” He rummages through his backpack, picking out the small orange bottle. The weight is familiar in his hand.

Jeno takes his typical dosage of one pill into the palm of his hand, swallowing it dry. He moves to put the pill bottle back. It’ll be some time before it kicks in, but the rest of the day is ahead of him. It’s only noon.

He always takes some before doing work or when he catches himself drifting, but never asks Donghyuck to. It’s not something he wants for him. Donghyuck has never asked, either - it’s not something he wants for himself. 

Donghyuck rolls himself in the chair closer to Jeno, carding his fingers through the younger’s hair and kissing his forehead. This is what Jeno means when he asks himself _why_ , _how_. 

“Babe.” Without being fully aware of himself, Donghyuck places his available hand on top of Jeno’s. Neither of them will move from their spots until their work is deemed complete. Donghyuck may as well make the absolute most of it. 

“Give me some.”

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


“It’s _not_ a drug!” Jeno practically growls, trying to swipe the bottle from Jaemin’s grasp.

“Then how is the bottle almost finished?” Jaemin argues back, retreating his arm after Jeno’s attempt to retrieve the pills back. “What, are you just taking them to fucking feel something now?”

_No._ Jeno groans, bringing his hands to his eyes

“You don’t need this crap anymore, Jen.” Jeno’s head snaps up, his entire focus is on Jaemin. “You have no damn clue what I need.”

A silence falls over them, staring at each other with the same amount of shock.

Jaemin slams the bottle down on Jeno’s desk.

“Fine. Fucking, _fine_ , Lee Jeno. You think I don’t know, huh?” Jaemin shakes his head with a chuckle. “I know _everything_. You can’t hide shit from me in this apartment. I don’t what the fuck you think you’re doing giving this shit to people who haven’t been prescribed.”

Jeno’s heart stops. 

_How…_

“And if you think for one _fucking_ second that I won’t kick you out if you go too far,” Jaemin continues, his voice is stern and final, “you’re delusional.”

Jaemin leaves, Jeno’s bedroom door slamming with a loud noise. Another sounds throughout the empty apartment a moment later.

Jeno sits on his bed and runs his fingers through his hair.

“Fuck,” He whispers angrily. The tears start to fall and he can’t stop them. His hands are shaking as he picks up his phone and he can barely see, his vision is so blurry that his glasses might only make it worse.

He can’t call _him_ . He’s never seen Jeno like _this_. Jeno doesn’t want him to see him like this but he fucked up and there’s no one else for him to go to.

Jeno’s digital clock reads fifteen until two in the morning. The numbers flash, glaring at him with the same red hot anger he’s feeling that mixes with an unbearable sadness.

“ _Hello?_ ” A groggy voice answers from the other end of the call. Jeno sniffles before clearing his throat.

“Donghyuck?”

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Jeno stands in the bathroom with Jaemin in the doorway behind him. “Do it.”

His hand is on the lever but he can’t do it. 

“Jaemin—” 

“ _Do_ it, Jeno, or I’ll do it for you.”

The lever feels heavy as he pushes it down. 

He watches the pills as they swirl and finally, they disappear. Now they’re in the sewer system, floating into some dirty reserve where the rest of the city’s piss and shit goes. 

Jeno turns around and exits the bathroom. “This is the best for you—”

He shuts his bedroom door in Jaemin’s face.

  
  
  


* * *

A month later, Jeno finds himself at his regular pharmacy, next in line.

The worker smiles, having recognized him and he smiles back. 

She hands him the new prescription.

They bid each other goodbye. “Have a good day.”

  
  


> **_LEE JENO_ **
> 
> **_ADDERALL (AMPHETAMINE)_ **
> 
> **_20 MG_ **
> 
> **_1 TAB BY MOUTH EVERY MORNING_ **

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Jeno hasn’t slept in three days.

He goes through the motions: class, home, class, internship, sometimes Donghyuck’s apartment, home. Rinse and repeat.

Right now he’s home, has been for a while and is hellbent on finishing his homework for the entire week, having been working for hours on end. 

Jeno rummages through his backpack, searching for the small, orange bottle with his prescription. He sighs, throwing the empty bag onto his bed and moving onto his desk drawers. Jeno knows that Jaemin knows but a tiny part in the back of his brain questions why Jaemin hasn’t said anything yet. Jeno ignores it and continues his search.

He pushes things around, binders, papers, textbooks, anything obstructing his view. “Where, where,” Jeno mutters to himself.

No way would he put them in the bathroom. He reasons with himself, trying to think of anywhere else the medication might be. His room is a mess. It looks like a tornado came in and fucked it up with no mercy.

Jeno is standing in the middle of his room, his hands tugging at his hair with stress and his eyes are threatening to spill tears (who is he kidding? He’s been crying since he stopped searching through his backpack) when the sound of his door creaking open causes him to turn around. 

“Jen?” Donghyuck’s voice makes his heart stop. “We’re staging an intervention.” Jaemin declares and suddenly Donghyuck is there, rubbing a comforting hand up and down Jeno’s arm. He doesn’t like it, for once.

Jeno looks at his best friend and roommate, turns to look at his boyfriend through blurry eyes. He doesn’t have anything to say. 

“I need them.” He settles on that. He’s so tired.

The three of them talk. It’s long and there are more tears and arguing than Jeno would like to admit but he gets through it. There’s mentions of his… problems (the ones before Donghyuck was even in the picture that Jeno would much rather forget but the memories flood back as Jaemin brings them up), his obsession with his internship and university grades and, last but not least, his addiction.

So he does it. He gives them up, not even realizing that Jaemin had taken the pills from Jeno’s room that day when the older was at his internship.

It’ll be hard, but for Jaemin and Donghyuck, he’ll do it.

* * *

  
  


All seemed to be going well, even for a couple of days.

Jeno hadn’t realized how fast withdrawal would hit him. 

It isn’t as if he and Donghyuck, nor Jaemin, are in for a surprise — they’ve both seen it happen to others. Adderall withdrawal can be dangerous, heightening both depression and anxiety. Even a slight dip in Jeno’s mood has them on edge a bit. 

Donghyuck can’t imagine what it feels like for him. After all, neither of them are strangers to mental illness, but withdrawal is something Donghyuck can’t say he’s ever experienced. 

Currently, Jeno’s tongue is down his throat. The tiny voice in Jeno’s brain screams at him that this is his way of dealing with withdrawal — by getting himself addicted to Donghyuck. Jeno knows that whatever this can end up being unhealthy for him — but Jeno doesn’t stop himself as his fingers dip beneath the waistband of Donghyuck’s jeans and his other hand makes its way under his sweatshirt. 

Neither of them can’t help the moans that slip past their mouths. 

The pads of his fingers are rough against the skin of Donghyuck’s back as he pulls the heavy material off of him. In the same arc, Jeno hastily pulls his shirt over his head, unzipping Donghyuck’s jeans not long after. 

It isn’t until Jeno is splayed out on Donghyuck’s bed, eyes already fucked out before he’s even touched him, that Donghyuck breathily asks if he’s sure. As he always does. Like he’s used to now.

A part of Jeno wants to deny him — for his own good. _Is it possible to get addicted to a person when you aren’t running away from something else?_

The other, larger part of him wants Donghyuck to pull his head closer — bring Donghyuck’s lips to his own — by his neck with one hand, taking the condom out of his grip with the other and telling him that he can put it on him for him. The other, larger part of Jeno wants Donghyuck everywhere, engraved into his skin and lingering on his body. The other, larger part of him ~~wants~~ _needs_ to say yes.

Majority rules.

**Author's Note:**

> uhm.. i don't really know if this is good or if i did this justice, etc. these are topics i have no personal experience with but wanted to dip a toe into


End file.
